Enlighten The Vote

Welcome to Enlighten The Vote

December 19th, 2009

…the place to find “reason”able politicians.

Together We Can Be Heard!

Enlightenthevote.therudenews.com is a non-partisan political action committee working to get Atheists elected to office because we believe the Atheist is intellectually superior to the rest of the world that believes in god. In fact, we believe that any American who believes in god should not be allowed to hold public office. We will support secularists but they need to know their place before they open their mouth and we don’t want to see them sneaking in prayers or thanking god.

We are dedicated to what is commonly referred to as “state-church separation” issues, specifically those concerned with the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment which states that “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion.” The part that says “or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech” can go to hell.

We oppose all government programs, violations and special rights for religious individuals, groups and organizations. No private school vouchers for minority children as we will indoctrinate them with the proper thinking, no homeschooling as it turns kids into dorks and our public school teachers can’t have sex with them, no organized prayers in public as we don’t want to see your superstitious asses praying in Outback while we are trying to chomp down a Bloomin’ Onion and no faith-based initiatives and laws exempting the religious from abiding by federal and state civil rights, health and safety laws. This means no tax exempt status, you must promote gay preachers and you must marry homosexuals or you will be sued for discrimination. Churches have some deep pockets and we liberals can’t live off of Comedy Central forever.

Smarter Americans (non-religious) are a sizeable voting cabal in America. If organized with the other separate but equal voting blocs in the Democratic party, we can make our voting strength work for us at the polls by electing politicians who don’t have to pretend to like church and all of that bullshit.

We need leaders who value science as we manipulate it interpret it, critical thinking about conservatives and reasons why liberals need more tax dollars. I mean, you don’t expect us to earn fuckin’ money by working shitty jobs right?

To Endorse or Not To Endorse

From the Executive Director:

A few years ago I attended a fundraiser for Senator Pat Leahy. Enlightenthevote.therudenews.com was then called the DORKPAC and Peter Nuhn-ya and I took our DORKPAC donation check to the D.C. event. I spoke briefly with Patrick Leahy, and we took a photo and then Peter and I made like babies and aborted.

A week later our donation check was returned to DORKPAC. That was shocking to me. I didn’t think that would ever happen, but it did. The senator didn’t want people knowing about our donation, and that an Atheist pac was supporting him. So what if the President of my other Atheist PAC tried to defect to the Soviet Union? Ugh! Red Scare is for peasants.

Are we really that poisonous to politicians? I mean, Atheists do sometimes murder our own pac presidents but WTF? Shit happens. Are we really that powerful, even if in a negative way? (You know, no praying in public, no god BS in schools, no private schools for underprivileged kids who might earn their way out from under us, etc…)

What should we do if a politician asks us NOT to endorse him/her at our site? Can we be an effective political action committee if those politicians who we want to support, don’t want it? (Someone told us to “take a hint” and then mentioned “Single White Female” I didn’t get it.)

In 2002, we launched our pac, GAMPAC (Godless Americans Political Action Committee; Isn’t that bitchin’?) with a press conference at the National Press Club in Washington DC, and a reporter asked me what we would do if a politician did not want our endorsement? I told the reporter that if the politician didn’t want our endorsement then the politician would not get our votes or money. If we cannot endorse a candidate then we cannot drive votes and money their way.

It’s not that some politicians don’t want our support – it’s more that they don’t want the backlash from the religious. The religious will rise up and hold an Inquisition on the D.C. Mall. The religious are a better-organized and better-funded political machine than we are and that is what most politicians respond to. If we were better organized than the religious then politicians would be actively pursuing our support. If we put a lot of money behind the candidates who we support, and if we work to elect them, then we will become the voting bloc that candidates will listen to and to hell with the religious. The whole bunch of peasants believing in men in the sky will be ruled by us and we will tax the bejesus out of them.

So back to my original question. To support or not to support – that is the question.(Shakespeare makes us sound sophisticated) The answer is that we should support as long as we can make it beneficial to candidates and we can do that if you vote for the candidates we endorse and if you contribute to EnlightenTheVote.therudenews.com. Our endorsement should benefit candidates. When you contribute to Enlightenthevote.therudenews.com we donate to candidates’ campaigns and they know that enlightened Americans are organized to support them.

It is also important to donate your time to work on the campaigns of these candidates. This is what the religious do. That’s why the right lost 2008 because every McCain/Palin office was filled with religiouses. In fact, there isn’t anything the religious won’t do to get their candidates elected to office. But 2008 they threw away on purpose, just to lull us into a false sense of security.

Without your donations to Enlightenthevote.therudenews.com and your work for the campaigns we support, some politicians may continue to be wary of our endorsement. We especially need those donations. I got fired from my American Atheist job and I really want another hybrid so I can look more moral than my Catholic neighbors.

Atheists and other secular Americans are going political and we are going to be successful. I mean just not believing in god is not enough we have to kick his ass.

We are gearing up for the 2010 elections now. With your money for my boob job and facelift support we will elect politicians who support the separation of state and church and the noble words of the Establishment Clause, “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion and fuck the next part.” Please donate to Enlightenthevote.therudenews.com today. Please tell your friends about EVTRN and help by spreading the word. Let’s not regret another election year. (Like 2008)

What do you think? Tell us at dorkpac.wordpress.com

Thank-you,

EnlightenTheVote.therudenews.com

Filed under: It's satire, so fuck off | Comment (0) Article tags: 2010 elections, American Atheists, Atheist, Atheist PAC, Barrett Brown, bejesus, Catholic, Comedy Central, conservatives, DORKPAC, Ellen Johnson, enlightened, Enlightenthevote, Establishment Clause, First Amendment, GAMPAC, Godless Americans Political Action Committee, green, homeschooling, imperialists, Inquisition, Jesus freaks, jingoistic, liberals, Madalyn Murray O'Hair, Outback, Patriotism, Peter Nuhn, progressives, rational, secular, Soviet Union, state-church separation, The New School for Social Research, Thomas Friedman, Vanity Fair, Washington DC, WTF

EnlightentheVoteNow

World Socialist Review 1-5

About our logo: We chose a green symbol over a generic blue flag because we identify more with the green movement than the American flag. The American flag has been co-opted by jingoistic imperialists and racists. These Jesus freaks have made the red, white and blue unattractive to us higher minded folk. Patriotism is for peasants, Atheism is for the enlightened.

About Us:

Ellen Johnson – The Prez

Ellen Johnson is our President. We here at Enlighten were fortunate she was fired from American Atheists. She took over from Madalyn Murray O'Hair, an awesome lady who tried to defect to the Soviet Union but she was too loony for them too. Johnson holds a Political Science degree from The New School for Social Research. The New School continues the Graduate Faculty's tradition of synthesizing leftist American intellectual thought and critical European philosophy.

Peter Nuhn – Director of Politicals

Peter Nuhn is a staggering intellect. Just look at this post from American Atheists, you know the place where the president tried to defect to the Soviet Union but was rejected and then murdered by another rational Atheist.

Barrett Brown – Communications Director

Barrett Brown is widely known for his Vanity Fair article criticizing Thomas Friedman's ideas because Mr. Brown lacks the creativity to think of his own. In fact, the majority of Barrett Brown's work isn't just forgettable, it's regrettable. He was brought on because the higher ups figured he was too much of a chicken shit to murder anybody above him. So far they are correct.